As of this year, coffee has unfortunately become an addiction of mine--the atmosphere of coffee shops being just as much of a draw as the burst of energy that I derive from the yummy coffee. 

 Yesterday, a Sunday, I was driving around trying to find an open Bruegger's, my favorite study spot only to find that they were ALL closed...who knew that Bruegger's closes at 3 pm on Sundays?! My first instinct was to be very annoyed after driving to three different locations (Raleigh is a crazy place like that--we can support 3 Bruegger's in a 2 mile radius). As I approached the final location to see a woman locking up, I could have screamed; I was so frustrated! Then I saw a tall man approach her and she handed him a bag of bagels, leaned up and kissed his cheek and then they walked hand-in-hand smiling down Hillsborough St. I couldn't help but be a little convicted for my anger. 

Today, once again at Bruegger's, but this time inside, I saw a woman in her mid-50's get a coffee and then look up toward the door, her eyes lit up! A young girl, about my age (20), ran up and they embraced each other elated at the unexpected joy of happening upon each other at Bruegger's on this Monday morning. 

“Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. ” 
― Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare

The root of all evil is money…we have all heard this before. I would agree that greed can cause many problems; however, greed and the love/ exploitation of money is simply a manifestation of a bigger heart problem: selfishness. That is right, selfish, something we all have been called at least once before. I don't know about you, but most of the time, this word is thrown at me by someone I love very much and it incites much shame once I acknowledge that it is directed at me. 

We are taught from a very young age that to make it in this "hard" world, you have to go after what you want, don't let people wrong you, get the very best for yourself because everyone else is going after the same thing and they surely will not hand it to you in a gift wrapped box. It is ironic, really…everything that we are taught is a complete contradiction to what I learn as I study the Bible more closely. 

In Philippians 2, it is written that, "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death--even death on a cross!"

The examples of exactly how Jesus humbled Himself before man are endless. Seems like to me, Jesus took this whole selflessness thing pretty seriously. But why? Since I am not God and would never claim to even begin to understand His holy motives, I can only list a few reasons why I believe that selflessness is an important part of my life. Here is my disclaimer, I am more selfish than many of you who are currently reading this and my only hope is that writing this will encourage me to pursue a more selfless lifestyle inspired by the only man who was ever truly selfless--Jesus. 

Benefits of being selfless: 
1. It conquers pride.
In true acts of selflessness, we are not acting to feed our ego and receive the flattery of the world; we are not acting out of competition or desire to prove ourselves to others--rather we are acting out of pure altruism and the desire to help or better the lives of others. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary: Selflessness is "having or showing great concern for other people and little or no concern for yourself." Therefore, by definition, selflessness cannot inflate our ego, in fact, it does the exact opposite. 

2. It expands our mind.
When we act out of selfish motives, we only limit ourselves. Every selfish action is first a calculation in our brain of how we might benefit from said output. If something goes wrong or we don't receive the praise that we originally intended then we are disappointed and end up wishing we had never expended the energy in the first place. When we act through selfless motives, we are helping to expand our sense of self and sense of identity. This allows us to get joy from the achievements of others; it enables us to get joy from serving others. Joy is missing in most of our lives--when we are selfless, the opportunities to find joy are endless because we now can find joy in other's lives as well as our own. 

3. Selflessness is an act of and response to love. 
Since I struggle with being selfish, I have found that it is (a little) easier for me to sacrifice and be selfless when it concerns people that I love. Through selflessness, we can better demonstrate our love for others which allows our friendships and relationships to thrive. When you love and admire someone, it doesn't seem like as much as a sacrifice to serve them and becomes more natural. 

Finally, I have found that the gratification that comes from getting what I want when I act in a selfish way never ends up measuring up to what I originally expected…however, when I act selflessly and serve people I love, I always end up feeling full of the spirit and am reminded of all of the ways God has sacrificed for me. I can love and live selflessly only because I realize that I was once the recipient of selfless love from my Heavenly Father. 

Thank You, Lord, for first demonstrating what it means to be selfless. I pray that each of us will make a conscious effort to become more like Christ by dying to ourselves and living to serve others--I promise it will be worth it. 

Winter Break. 
Most definitely one of the best breaks in college because everyone comes home and it is a wonderful time to catch up with old friends who we rarely get to see! This year, the Lord blessed me abundantly by allowing me to get up with many of my childhood friends! 

"It takes a long time to make old friends." This a quote that hangs over a doorway in my house. As a child, I was extremely confused by this saying? How do you make old friends? Now, as (still a child at heart) an older child, I am beginning to understand what this quote is saying. There is something very special about "old friends"--people who have been with you through every stage in your life. The ones who have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly and still live to call you friend. Gosh yes, these people have witnessed: the braces, the temper tantrums after losing dodgeball games, the almost burning down the house together…need I go on? Anyways, while I love my college friends and cherish how special they are to me in this point of my life, I will be eternally grateful to the friends who stuck by my side through all the awkward phases and helped to shape me into the person I am today. 

On December 10th, I was fortunate enough to be able to pick up one of those friends, Kimberly, my best friend of 16 years, from the airport! Though it was a hard 4 months, with her gone, the Lord has taught me a lot about solitude and dependency on Him. I guess you could say that He and I have spent an abundant amount of time together…time that I would have normally devoted to Kimberly. I am so grateful for this time to rest in the Lord and to allow Him to open my ears, eyes and heart to His desires for me. While these lessons have been valuable and I pray that I will continue to devote copious amounts of time to the Lord, I would be lying if I said that I am not extremely glad to have Kimberly home! Time is precious and it seems that Kimberly has become a world traveler and will be leaving me once again for Adelaide, Australia on February 10th! I know that the Lord will continue to work in Kimberly's life and use her to make a huge impact for His Kingdom in Australia. I am so proud of her leap of faith in Him and the way she is such a faithful servant. 

I was fortunate enough to be able to catch up with my good friend, Andy, over break! He is so full of the Lord, you can't help but desire to be in his presence! I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to spend time with such a Godly man. I can only hope that one day my brother grows up to be  as led by the Lord as Andy. He said something to me recently that made goosebumps rise all over my arms. He said, I just want what He [God] wants." Such a deceivingly simple saying that is so meaningful. How many of us can truly say that we just want what God wants for our lives? If we all truly felt that way then I doubt most of us would be in the major, job or field that we are currently in. Maybe you would be; if so, great!! That is awesome. Of course, the Lord can use you wherever you are at--BUT you have to let him. In Isaiah 6:8, Then I heard the Lord asking, "Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?" I said, "Here I am. Send me." Most of us, myself included, rarely ask the Lord to send us to a place that is foreign, unknown, scary and requires us to place our full faith in Him. We like knowing that there is a safety net incase "He doesn't come through." I often fall pray to this. How many times have you felt called to reach out to someone but didn't because it wasn't convenient, you were busy or you feared that your answers to their questions may be inadequate? I know that I am very guilty of this. I hope to continue to grow my relationship with Andy and people like him--people who inspire me to lean more on God. The people that hold me accountable and push me to grow my faith and trust in the Lord. 

I am so thankful for old friends and for the special role that God has for them in each of our lives!